


Fergalicious

by anavrin89



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Maid Cafe, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anavrin89/pseuds/anavrin89
Summary: Based on a maladaptive daydream scenario I've brainstormed for a while now.Ushijima works in a Maid Cafe and Oikawa and his friends visit.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 11





	Fergalicious

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this and honestly am glad to finally put it on paper (technically speaking not paper but who really cares)
> 
> I watched 1.5 episodes of Maid Sama like 3 months ago and have had this idea ever since
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)

It was a relatively boring Monday afternoon. Oikawa invited Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa over to study for some upcoming tests. It was around 4:30 and by now there wasn’t a lot of study material left, and Oikawa was becoming bored quickly. 

“Iwa-chan, I’m borreeddd.” he whined.

“Well, that sounds like a personal problem.” Iwaizumi quipped making Makki and Mattsun laugh a little.

“You’re no fun Iwa-chan. We’ve been studying for hours and there's not a lot to study anymore. We should go out and do something.” Oikawa replied.

“We’ve only been studying for an hour Oikawa, and there's still plenty to study. Unlike some people, we lowly non-Honors and AP students have to study for more than two seconds.” Iwaizumi retorted with a playful eye-roll.

Oikawa huffed and reached for his phone. He opened it and started to browse Netflix. He saw his normal shows, but stopped and looked at one for a second. On the screen, the title read “Maid Sama”. He tapped on the cover for the description, and it said the show was about a girl who works in a maid cafe secretly, but a hotshot heartthrob boy from her school finds out, and she has to struggle to keep him from opening his mouth and revealing her secret. Oikawa doesn’t seem really interested, so he closes Netflix. But then he got to thinking and he came up with a brilliant idea. 

“Iwa-chan, I have an idea for what we can do!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“Me too. It’s called ‘studying’. Crazy concept right?” Iwaizumi snarked, slightly agitated.

“No, Iwa-chan, that’s not what I meant. You’re such a Debby-downer.” Oikawa responded, ”Anyways, we should go to a Maid Cafe!”

“No. We need to study, and I’m not giving you an excuse to flirt and take all the girls because you’re the ‘resident pretty-boy’.” Iwaizumi said, even more agitated.

“So rude Iwa-chan. And here I was thinking you would want to go and meet pretty girls and be able to bring your study material.” Oikawa said smirking mischievously.

Makki and Mattsun perked up at that sentence and looked at Iwaizumi expectantly for his reaction. Iwaizumi looked irritated. Probably because he knew Oikawa was right. He could bring his books to study, and there would probably be cute girls working in the cafe. He let out an exasperated sigh before standing up and saying,

“Alright, get your things, let's go.”

“Yes! You’re the best Iwa-chan.” Oikawa beamed.

They all hopped into Iwaizumi’s Berkley blue Jeep Wrangler, while Oikawa pulled up directions for the nearest Maid Cafe.

They were almost there when Iwaizumi spoke up,

“Ugh, we’re near Shiratorizawa. I swear, if we run into Ushiwaka.”

Oikawa shuddered at the thought. He, Makki, and Mattsun let out a collective “Ew”.

About ten minutes later, and they had arrived, all grabbing their bags of school books as they got out of the car. 

They walked in and were pleasantly greeted by the cute hostess. She was quite small and wore her red-brown hair in a bob-cut.

“Welcome to Lovely Heart Maid Cafe, Master. How many guests will we be seating today?” she chirped.

“Four. Thank you.” Oikawa said as he gave her a charming smile.

They followed the petite girl to a U-shaped booth next to the window, letting in the remaining sunlight and giving a view of the somewhat bustling streets outside. The girl placed menus in front of them before bowing and mentioning something about how their server would be with them in just a moment before walking away.

“She was kinda cute. And totally into you, by the way.” Oikawa said as he nudged Iwaizumi while the other boy grabbed his books out of the bag beside him.

“Oh, yeah right.” Iwaizumi muttered as he continued to fumble with his textbooks.

“I’m serious. She was totally checking you out when we walked in and was looking at you and smiling the whole time she was talking to us.” 

Iwaizumi wanted to talk back about how Oikawa was just saying that to make him feel better when he was interrupted by Oikawa saying 

“Ooh! Our waitress is coming over!”

They all watched as the waitress fidgeted with her dress and tried to grab her pen and small notepad while walking over. She was rather tall, Oikawa observed, and had fairly short hair from what he could see from the top of her head. The waitress was wearing a black dress with long black sleeves over white cuffs, a white apron resting on top of the skirt that stopped just above the knee, black stockings with frill and pink bows on either side of the thigh, and black 5 inch, round heels. As she stopped at their table, she finally grabbed her pen and notepad before raising her head, eyes closed, and speaking.

“Good evening, Master. My name is Ushijima, may I take your order-”

Ushijima stopped, looking at the boys with his mouth slightly ajar, pen and notepad still not yet raised fully.

So, she was a he. A he that also just happened to be Ushijima Wakatoshi, the group’s biggest rival.

They sat in silence for a second before Ushijima spoke up.

“Excuse me, for a second, Master. I need to go speak to another maid for a moment.”

“You guys are seeing this too right?” Iwaizumi said in disbelief.

“Unfortunately, yes, we are Iwa-chan,” Oikawa replied with a disgusted expression.

Ushijima walked over to a co-worker and whisper-shouted to get her attention.

“Mari,” he said frantically, “Mari!”

The girl turned around and met Ushijima’s panicked eyes.

“Hey, ‘Toshi. What’s wrong?”

“I need someone to take Table 2 for me.”

“I wish someone could, but we’re all waiting tables right now, and the others just started their break. Why, are they bothering you?”

Ushijima took a deep breath and considered his decisions. He could say they were bothering him, though they truthfully hadn’t done anything to him, or he could tell her what was really going on. He went with the latter option and hoped he could get out of waiting the table for his biggest fucking rival and #1 hater.

“So, you know the dude that I was talking about the other week? The one who hates me, and I’m like his rival,” she nodded as he continued, “Well, he and his friends are the customers at that table, and it’s kind of awkward and embarrassing.”

“Aw, yea. I seriously wish I could help you out, but we’re swamped and all I can tell you is just wait their table unless they harass or threaten you, which then we’ll make them leave. But, still, that’s all we can do. Sorry Toshi-babe.” she said as she gave him a sympathetic look.

He sighed and decided he would just have to brave the challenge of waiting Oikawa and his friends’ table.

He walked over to the table, mentally preparing himself for any insults casually but not-so-casually slipped into their sentences.

“Sorry, for the wait. May I start you off with drinks?” he asked.

They all glared at him with the hatred of 100 demon hell-spawn straight from the fiery depths of Hell themselves.

“Yes, I’ll have a boba. That’s spelled B-O-B-A. Just in case your tiny brain couldn’t process what I said.” Oikawa sneered. 

His friends snickered, hiding their faces behind their menus as they did so.

“Of course,” Ushijima replied, already done with Oikawa’s antics, ”And for you, sir?” he said turning to face Iwaizumi.

“Oh. Um, I’ll have green tea,” he responded, stifling another laugh.

Ushijima quickly scribbled the order on his notepad and was about to ask the other two boys what their drink order would be when he was so rudely interrupted by none other than Oikawa himself.

“So, why are you wearing a maid dress? I mean, the other guys that work here are wearing suit vests and slack with dress shirts, but you’re the only one wearing the dress uniform.”

This was awkward.

Ushijima cleared his throat before replying,

“There weren’t any male uniforms when I started working, so they had to give me a female uniform instead.” 

That was a lie. In all honesty, he just wanted to wear a dress. He loved the frilly look and he felt pretty when he wore it, so he asked for a female uniform instead, to which his manager happily obliged, saying that it suited him. But that was none of Oikawa’s business.

After a couple more questions of why he worked here, and how they got a female uniform in his size, Ushijima finally had the other two drink orders and went back into the kitchen to have them made.

The boys were giggling among themselves in their booth, only half-studying. Oikawa had already finished studying back at his house, so he perused the menu, trying to figure out what he should order. He found something he might want to try when something on the menu caught his eye. 

In the bottom right corner of the menu, in pink bold-italic print, it said 

“Our Cafe Performs! Ask for a song and we will perform it! Want a specific maid to perform? No problem, just ask!” 

Suddenly, Oikawa had the most brilliant idea in the world. 

He half stood up in the booth and waved another server over.

“Hi, can I request a performance?” 

“Of course,” the man said, “Do you have anything specific in mind?”

“I don’t have a song request, but I do have a request for a specific maid to perform.” he chirped with a fake-innocent smile.

“Which maid would you like to perform?”

“Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

He sat back down with a triumphant smirk as the man walked away.

“Oh my gosh Shittykawa, what are you up to now?” Iwaizumi chuckled.

“Oh, you’ll see Iwa-chan.”

Ushijima was waiting in the kitchen, talking to another maid, when someone called his name.

“Ushijima”

“Yes? Oh hey, Ari. What did you need?”

“Someone requested a performance,” he said.

“Oh really?,” Ushijima spoke curiously, “Who?”

“One of the guys from Table 2.”

With that, Ushijima’s previously somewhat delightful demeanor washed away. Was Oikawa being serious right now?

He gave a groan then asked,

“What song does he want me to perform?”

“He doesn’t have a song request, just requested that you perform.”

“Of course,” Ushijima muttered under his breath, “Thank you, Ari. Can you please go set up the stage,”

Ari nodded and walked off the prepare the small stage on the left wall of the cafe.

Ushijima stood there wallowing in self-pity for a minute when a genius thought appeared in his mind. He stood up straight with a goofy grin and dusted off his skirt and apron.

“What’s got you all goofy-lookin’?” Mari inquired as she joined him and the other maid.

“Oh, nothing, nothing. I just know exactly what song I’m going to perform.” Ushijima sing-songed as he strutted over to the stage.

“What’s he talking about?”

“Apparently, some guy from Table 2 requested he perform. At first, he seemed kinda bummed, but now he just looks like he won one of his volleyball tournaments or something.”

“Huh. Wonder what he’s up to, then.”

Ushijima approached the stage and turned to Ari. 

“Hey, thanks for setting up, but could you do me a favor and perform with me? I know what song I wanna perform but I need someone else on stage. You don’t even have to lip-sync the words, just be up here for when I need you. Please?”

Ari looked hesitant at first but silently nodded. He was actually much like Ushijima. Tall, stoic, seemingly emotionless, except for the fact the Ari was slender and Ushijima was built, and Ushijima had somewhat loosened up and come out of his shell since working here.

“Yes! Thank you so much! Here I’ll tell you what we’re going to perform,” Ushijima said as he leaned in to whisper into Ari’s ear.

Oikawa sat and waited expectantly. It had only been a couple of minutes since he requested a performance, but he was already getting impatient. As if on cue, Ushijima walked up onto the stage with the waiter from earlier, giving a small, but menacing smile directed at Oikawa. 

Suddenly, Oikawa regrets his decision and is scared of what’s gonna come next.

Ushijima signaled for the DJ to play the song and waited until it started.

The music began and it sounded kind of strange to Makki, Mattsun, and Iwa, but Oikawa knew exactly what it was. He also knew he was screwed.

“ Listen up, y'all, 'cause this is it, The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious.” the tall, slender waiter lip-synced.

“Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco. They want my treasure, so they get their pleasures from my photo. You could see me, you can't squeeze me. I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy. I got reasons why I tease 'em. Boys just come and go like seasons. Fergalicious.” Ushijima lip-synced as well, looking at Oikawa smugly.

Down in his booth, Oikawa looked as if he had seen a ghost, and the others were staring at him.

“What’s wrong, Shittykawa? You look like someone just told you aliens were real but they all died.”

Oikawa just stayed silent, not daring to speak another word, in fear that he would be struck down by lightning on the spot.

Makki and Mattsun just laughed as Iwa shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the stage. They watched, sort of bewildered by Ushijima’s irregular behavior but lightly amused at the show.

Then the infamous part came up. The part Oikawa was dreading hearing because he knew damn well the stunt Ushiwaka was pulling. Mostly because if the tables were turned, he knows he would be doing the exact same.

“T to the A to the S T Y, girl, you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y, girl, you tasty D to the E to the L I C I O U S; D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it, Fergie!”

“All the time I turn around brothas gather round. Always looking at me up and down looking at my, uhh,” with the last word Ushijima drug his hand up the side of his leg and smacked it, giving Oikawa a noticeably seductive wink.

With that gesture there were some cheers and wolf-whistles from other patrons, but Ushijima wasn’t particularly focused on that right now.

Oikawa’s cheeks flushed a light pink, barely noticeable if you weren’t paying attention. But Ushijima was, and seeing that means he had already won. But he decided he’d do a little more, if only just to rub it in.

“I just wanna say it Now, I ain't tryin' to round up drama, little mama I don't wanna take your man,” as Ushijima said these lyrics, he strutted off the stage and over to Oikawa’s table. He leaned over and got in Oikawa’s face, “And I know I'm comin' off just a little bit conceited. And I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it. But I'm tryin' to tell that I can't be treated like clientele. Cause they say she delicious.” When he finished the lyrics he lifted himself off the table, and as he did, gave Oikawa a little “boop” and the tip of his nose, before walking back up to the stage.

Oikawa’s face now flushed beet-red and his friends were all staring at him, along with half of the other patrons in the cafe. He was so embarrassed he had gotten himself into this mess.

Ushijima confidently finished the rest of the performance, making a few more playful gestures at Oikawa, making the brunette’s cheeks turn even brighter red with each one.

He walked off the stage and over to the kitchen counter. He picked up the small tray with his table’s drinks and strolled over to deliver them. 

“Here you go,” Ushijima spoke, setting each drink in front of its respective recipient.

As he looked up, he noticed the expressions on the group’s faces. They were all looking between him and Oikawa, absolutely and positively gobsmacked. Their mouths hung wide open in shock. 

Oikawa noticed and forcefully shut Iwa’s mouth, causing Iwaizumi to shake his head and clear his throat for the others to do the same.

Now, it was Ushijima’s turn to give a fake innocent smile as he asked,

“Are you all ready to order food, or do you need a minute to collect your selves?”

He was being undeniably sassy, reciprocating the same sass he received from Oikawa earlier with even more confidence Oikawa had.

“I think we, uh,” Iwaizumi chuckled, “We may need a minute.”

“Okay, I will come back in a little while.”

  
  


Ushijima strode over to the counter with a swagger no one had seen from him before.

“What the hell was that?” Mari asked with an astonished giggle.

“Revenge.” Ushijima replied.

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you couldn't tell, the song Ushi sang/rapped/lip-synced was Fergalicious by Fergie
> 
> Honestly, would love to see Ushijima singing Fergalicious in a maid costume.
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
